Honesty
by sleep learning
Summary: “I don’t need people?” the anguish behind these words was breaking Daniel apart
1. Chapter 1

Individual drops were launching themselves at the bedroom window, creating tiny rivers as they collided and split again, forming pools on the pane. Daniel watches them, as the heavy torrential rain consistently beats a rhythm, one that had played into his dream so that now, awake, he felt the sound had been with him always. He'd woken suddenly, as if some loud catastrophe had occurred beside his head. Turning over he notices a light escaping under his door. He knew immediately what had awoken him. It had been little over a year now that he had been working with Rorschach. The man had been, at first, un agreeable and at times alarming in his quest to eradicate crime. The partnership had been successful though and Daniel had become accustomed to the occasional erratic behavior. Accepting that he now could not go back to sleep -but not admitting that he found it disconcerting that he could have missed Rorschach's 'visit'- he rises from the bed and enters into a scene more comfortable than anything else since his incarnation as the second NiteOwl four years ago.

Rorschach often appeared in his house, his kitchen. As he leans into the bench Daniel mulls over the ritual in his head. _Barge in, pick a can, make stunted conversation, leave. _If he was honest with himself, he liked the random midnight visits. Of course, there was a comfort in the façade of annoyance. The familiarity he had with Rorschach -the understanding that Daniel's home was merely a pit stop- was fragile. If Daniel was to mention Rorschach's comings and going –to put a name to it- Rorschach would hesitate and take off. If Daniel would stop lying to himself for one moment, he could admit that Rorschach's retreat would bother him greatly.

"Someone buy you flowers, Dan?" head tilted at the vase on the table. He was scraping at the can now, tilting the spoon and dragging a metallic chime in rhythm to the downpour outside. Daniel shifted and crossed his arms, deciding if he should rise to the bait, if in fact it was bait. Rorschach's curiosity, anger, melancholy, was always delivered in the same gruff tones. Had the mask been firmly in place, the comment would have remained ambiguous. But Daniel could see the tell tale twitch of a repressed smirk as Rorschach placed the spoon on the table.

"Does it matter?" he replied, immediately regretting the defensive tone in his voice "I'm young, I play records, go to picture shows, crime fighters can't be _everything_. I have a social life…" _don't, don't,_ but he couldn't stop; there was anger in his voice now. "At least I'm _balanced_". Rorschach's head turned sharply, body stiff. He sounded bitter, softly saying "that's what it is now, I'm unbalanced?"

"No, I didn't mean you- I, just," Daniel traced his fingers through his hair. He didn't need this right now. He should be sleeping; he shouldn't be in the kitchen trying to avoid a confrontation with Rorschach. He barely knew where the conversation was going and he couldn't see a way out that would end with a goodnight's sleep, he couldn't see the situation becoming less uncomfortable.

"It's different, okay? You don't need people Rorschach; you're you every hour of the day. But I have to hang up my costume, go back to being Dan Dreiberg and do what everybody else does." He rubbed his eyes and sighed. "I don't even know why we're having this conversation just because I bought some goddamn flowers!" his hands placed on either side of the bench, eyes closed, he could hear the sound of rain hitting the window behind him, the slide of a wooden chair as Rorschach left the table. The empty can was placed beside him and Daniel opened his eyes to Rorschach, mask in place, standing before him. The symmetrical shapes were still and somehow mournful.

"I don't need people?"

Rorschach's hand was in the motion of placing the can back on the bench, his arm reaching past Daniel's. _Too close, too close._ He didn't know what was happening anymore. He had expected the other man to leave, dissolve into the waiting dark outside. So why could he now smell dampened clothes? He could feel the electricity, the nervous tension caused from having another body merely a breath away from his own. Rorschach's hand now moved to grip the corner of the bench, bracing himself. His posture suggested tension and Daniel felt his own muscles ache and tense at the man's form, so hunched, a condensed form of pure rage.

"I don't _need_ people?" the anguish behind these words was breaking Daniel apart. He could see it now as Rorschach refused to look at him, still unbearably close. Beneath the mask was the subtle impression of lips and Daniel feels himself physically straighten within the confined space.

"I don't… need… people… I don't …need people…. I…I" the whispers creep into Daniels ear before clouding the glass behind him.

"Look at me"

The movement is slow, like the first drop to fall from a darkened cloud. Like rain shattering on impact, Rorschach meets his eyes and Daniel feels a weight in the base of throat, a constriction that hurts so far inside, his soul seems to rip at the seems.

His hands feel too light, quivering, as he brings them slowly to the now rippling mask of black and white.

His thumbs hook beneath the start of the fabric, and linger, before lifting up, to rest the curled material on the bridge of Rorschach's nose.

One hand reaches further behind, to hold Rorschach's head in place, his thumb resting in the hollow behind his ear.

He only needs to lean slightly forward, and he searches Rorschach's 'face' as he places his lips on the unshaven chin before him. The ink betrays nothing so he cannot tell if Rorschach's eyes are opened, or closed in silent prayer like Daniels.

There is no response from Rorschach, so Daniel continues upwards, capturing a lower lip between his mouth, and still nothing. He pushes forward, so gently, fearful that at any moment the confrontation that was supposed to take place before will be born in the form of Rorschach's hand ripping through his chest. The idea disturbs Daniel, but seems fitting and -with that image fading- he prizes the motionless mouth open, moving to hold Rorschach's face now in two hands.

The reaction is not what Daniel expects. Rejection, yes. Aggressively carnal eagerness, hopefully. But _this_ was not what Daniel anticipates. Rorschach's response is awkward, unsure. At first, he is fighting Daniel's invasion, not in a fight for dominance, but a self-conscious hesitance. Daniel realizes, in both amazement and shock, that he may be the first person to ever touch the man before him, sexually or even platonically.

Daniel wants to believe he doesn't mind, but questions start to form over how a man of late 20's could be so isolated, so denied. Before his thoughts can lead further, Rorschach seems to have gone beyond tolerating and slight response, and Daniel feels a weight against him as they lean into the counter. Rorschach is clinging to Daniels shoulder blades and Daniel finds one of his legs is slightly lifted and curling behind Rorschach's as the partially masked man pushes forward more. They are both left curved; the pouring rain accompanied now by the sound of heavy breaths and slight noises as they adjust to blend even closer together.

Daniel traces a never ending pattern down Rorschach's jaw, around his neck, resting in and then annihilating the hollow in the join of his neck and shoulder. The pulse beneath his tongue is reminding him that it is real as Rorschach fumbles with his hands, unsure of what to do but desperate to do _something. _

There is a slight hesitation, before their hips begin to move randomly. Daniel moves a hand to brace behind him as he leans forward once again, his fingers slipping and falling onto the empty can.

In a hurried movement, his finger is cut on the jagged edge and he gasps, louder than the rain, louder their sounds or Rorschach's indecision.

Rorschach stiffens, halts, and before Daniel can even realize, he has left.

Staring at the door left open, he is filled with a hollow sensation before an acute pain in his finger reminds him of where he is. Holding his hand over the sink, Daniel watches a solitary drop of blood slide down the metal bowl, colliding with nothing, while his hurried, irregular breaths obscure the window.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been three weeks. Daniel lowered the owl ship to the streets below, his expression grim. 3 weeks comprising of silence and avoidance. Rorschach had sunk into the very stone of the city. Daniel would catch the occasional glimpse of the trench coat figure down a darkened alley, apprehending criminals. From the lights of the owl ship, Rorschach could be seen performing with a cold-blooded succinctness Daniel had never seen before. He seemed to be on a violent spree, excessively aggressive, eliminating crime before retreating out of the illumination of the owl ship's light. Daniel would feel the surge of remorse rising in his throat as the retreating figure would disappear into the labyrinth of cobbled streets.

At this point, Daniel was listening to the crackle of the radio. The inconsistent sound of the white noise made for distraction most of the time, yet Daniel still found himself fail as he remembered the feeling of stubble grazing his jaw, the weight of another body as he was crushed into the bench. The grating sound of the door of the owl ship opening brought Daniel out of his increasingly dangerous reverie.

He stood there, uncomfortable, stiff, his mask slowly shifting back and forth between two fixed, furtive shapes.

"I, um – Hey Rorschach, where ha-

"Stuck"

"Huh?" Daniel went back to being silently incoherent. First, he was thinking inappropriate thoughts about his teammate, and then he appears after three weeks of avoidance, only to make monosyllabic nonsense.

"Cable is broken" Rorschach seemed to be looking anywhere but at Daniel, fixing his gaze at the endless amount of dials and apparatus on the far wall of the owl ship. Twisted around his upper body was a lightweight wire Daniel recognized as the suspension cable they used for accessing buildings, externally, from great heights. The safety clip seemed to be fixed and unwilling to open. The cable was not the best of tools to use, but until Daniel had perfected the grappling gun, it was the only way to suspend people from the ship without broken ankles.

"Right, the safety clip again, I'm almost done with the ah... "Daniel fumbled through a draw, taking a screw driver and walking towards Rorschach "the grappling gun. You know the design, well, I had to change the propellant because the direction was unstable so it…" he was already caught up in gadgetry, making conversation as if nothing had happened and there had been no lapse between the two of them. Rorscach remained tense yet Daniel seemed unaware of the uncomfortable air emanating from him as he began to unwind the coiled wire.

"…it should be done in a day or so, so no more getting tangled" he went to remove the last buckle, his hand resting on Rorschach's shoulder. The realization of their closeness immediately destroyed the comfortable atmosphere. Daniel could feel the nervous energy that pulsed through the other mans body, ready to run at any moment. Time seemed to stretch on but neither one moved, both waiting for the other to act first. It could have merely been a show of camaraderie, Daniel gripping Rorschach's shoulder in an act of friendship, but the longer he left his hand there, the more intimate it felt.

Leaning in, Daniel closed his eyes, wanting nothing more than to cradle his face into the neck of the other man. He increased the pressure on Rorschach's shoulder, before the rejection in the kitchen was brought to mind, and he let go, turning away with a cough and putting the remains of the suspension cable back in the drawer.

"Like I said, the gun should be ready tomorrow or the day after, come around at –"he turned back to find the room empty.

"..and I found out, after the whole thing, that he couldn't even speak a word of English!" she laughed lightly, her eyes sparkling as Daniel sat across the table, his fingers absently tracing the rim of his glass as he smiled back. It had been by chance that he had encountered her; an old friend from Harvard and -that same day- the chance meeting developed into dinner in a modest restaurant, reminiscing over college years.

Daniel found himself at ease, content in the warm cocoon of nostalgia and the charm of an old friend. For a few hours he could enjoy the social act like any other civilian.

The pair had lapsed into a comfortable silence, Daniel's smile faded slightly; she brought a hand slowly through her hair before looking at him from beneath her lashes.

"What do you do now, Dan? Watch birds?" she smiled coyly and he laughed again, giving a self deprecating smile.

"Yes, I know, still a bit of a bird boy at heart"

"Are you still playing around with… those..." she made hand gestures before shrugging

"Gadgets?"

"I guess that's the word, gosh, you made the most amazing little inventions…"

"Thank you and I do still tinker, in fact I finished one yesterday, design just wouldn't come together" he blushed as he found himself rambling.

"Is that how you hurt your hand?" She had grabbed his hand with hers, thumb slowly trailing its way towards his bandaged finger.

"oh, no, I cut it… a few -weeks- ago" he shifted, uncomfortable in his seat, as he pushed aside thoughts of black and white, masks and trench coats, suspension cables…

"Weeks? You won't need it bandaged still. If you're scared of a little band aid I could rip it off for you, _promise_ it won't hurt"

Daniel grimaced and pulled his hand back

"Its late, I really have to go"

"Dan –" her expression was one of confusement and hurt

"Thank you, dinner was lovely"

"Dan wait…"

His shoulders hunched, nearly braking into a run, Daniel was two streets away from the restaurant when two arms pulled him into an alley, hurling him against the grime coated wall. They struggled briefly until he recognized the hat and coat ensemble.

He was pinned against the wall, Rorschach snarling up at him, the low growl he was emitting could be felt through his chest and Daniel didn't even care if he was about to be beaten or killed. The closeness, though violent, was the only thing he would ever want again. Relaxing into the wall he watched Rorschach unabashedly. Rorschach was shaking now, leaning into Daniel and slowly ceasing the harsh noise. His hands moved to grasp either side of Daniels arms like it was a life raft as the shakes became violent trembles.

He lifted his head as Daniel lowered his, resting their foreheads against each other. They stayed pressed against the wall, Daniels legs cramping, his arms bruised. As Rorschach continued to tremble, he moved to place his face beside Daniels, chin resting on his shoulder.

His voice was raspy, broken and heavy with sorrow.

"Wont say it" he whispered, letting go of Daniel as the shudders became intense again. Daniel brought his arms up, embracing Rorschach.

"I know"


	3. Chapter 3

The city suffered from an infestation. The degenerate men of corporate business, their hands greedily sliding in a constant search, from one nefarious act to another. The whores were screaming into the stifling night from mouths of an unfathomable depravity. Behind closed doors, politicians were lying in delirious drug induced nightmare games at the expense of innocence. Rorschach drifted from one hideout to another, aimlessly searching for a violent niche to burst upon and destroy. Streetlamps that appeared as halos only illuminated the true nature of the city, while the houses festered in a soup of domesticated fornication. The walls could only contain the avarice and adultery for so long before it spewed onto the stairs and flowed into the gutters for all to see. As his hand separated another tooth from the mouth of the man crippled below him, Rorschach tried to loose himself in the chaos of the night. The man crumpled at his feet, face buried into a sewer grate. Hands clenched, breathing ragged, Rorschach turned to follow the deceiving lamps towards a familiar haunt, one that he knew to hide many a stalking criminal.

Beneath the canopy of trees, Rorschach sat, leaning against the broken statue of a forgotten fountain. The park was surprisingly empty, free for once from the tarnish of people and the sin they inevitably brought with them. Humans. _Disgusting, depraved. _Rorschach gritted his teeth. He hated moments like these, when his mind was left to wander. It didn't matter how much he tried to reason with himself, how much he tried to purge the city, the nature of men would always be sordid. He looked on all men and women alike, monsters of their own desires, cockroaches swarming amongst the garbage of the city. A skeleton of steel and stone that bred hatred and violence. Except, there was Daniel. Dan Dreiberg. Dan. Even amongst the crime, the filth, Dan remained –in Rorschach's mind- the personification of good. It was wrong. Even if he could ignore his partner's political views, he could not ignore the homosexual tendencies. It should have made him leave. It was no loss to go back to solitude. How could he be drawn to the madness, the outright immoral life Dan lead? People were sick. They were born, screaming and writhing from whores, covered in blood and disgrace, and they often lived and died in the same violent manner. Yet Daniel remained pure. A man amongst the disillusioned. Rorschach would find him, in the violence, and see goodness, purity. Dan.

If he had of remained by himself he would never be in this situation in the first place. How was he supposed to explain that what he wanted was never aloud to be given?

He remained leaning against the statue, the marble smooth and cold as the density of the darkened park swallowed the noise of the city. For hours he remained there, unable to come to a decision. The silence was broken by the feral scream of fighting animals. Rorschach lifted his head though he could not discern what it was above him that had intruded upon his reverie. The scuffle in the trees above was short, and Rorschach noted the distinct sound of a growling cat, the muted yet shrill cry of a trapped bird. As the fight finished, silence returned and Rorschach watched a single feather drift slowly to land beside him.

Slowly rising, he cast one last look into the trees above, before heading off in the direction of Dan's house.

* * *

The tunnel smelt of stale air and something that could only be describe as industrial. Piles of dust collected in swirling clouds around Rorschach's ankles as his feet disrupted the forgotten subway trail that lay beneath Dan's house. With each determined step he tried not to think about what this would lead to. A few more paces and it would be too late to turn back. Rattling noises echoed from the mouth of the tunnel and as Rorschach reached the docking bay that held the owl ship, he closed his eyes and reminded himself that there was no other choice.

Daniel was lying partially under the owl ship, an assortment of tools on either side of the mechanics creeper he rested on. Completely immersed in the repair work, Daniel didn't notice Rorschach watching. Watching, in a world of turmoil. Watching a muscled arm reaching back and forth to lift a screen of metal. Watching the rivulets of sweat trail down a shirtless chest. Watching as a smudge of oil was left on his shoulder.

_Do it. Just, do it_. He started forward, grabbing the board with both hands and pulled Daniel out from under the ship. The movement was aggressively fast and he came face to face with Daniel as he leant impossibly forward. Daniel looked upward at him, his expression of annoyance quickly replaced with one of questioning. His voice sounded almost disbelieving as he whispered "Rorschach"

He pulled them both up, unwilling to trust himself with words. Rorschach stepped back before climbing up the makeshift stairs into the owl ship. He paused at the doorway, his face titled slightly towards Daniel, as he walked in completely.

For a few moments, Daniel could only stare, as if the figure had been an apparition. Wiping the sweat from his eyes, his mouth now uncomfortably dry, Daniel followed after his partner.

Rorschach waited, as Daniel entered the owl ship. Waited, as he stood uncomfortably close. They had created a silence, stifling in its tension. With slow, hesitant movements, Rorschach lifted his mask, over his mouth, leaning forward to place a ghosted kiss onto Daniel's chin. Daniel titled his head, sliding his nose across Rorschach's face before kissing him. It was slow and tentative, so unlike the confrontation in the kitchen weeks ago. With the end of every kiss, he would catch Rorschach's lower lip between his teeth, gently pulling him forward for another assault as his hand came to hold him by the shoulders, bracing them both.

Unsure of what to do, Rorschach removed his gloves and laid his hands onto Daniel's chest before pulling away. _Not homosexual. But… it's the only way_. He brought his face to Daniel's chest, resting his lips against the skin that separated him from Dan's heart. He could feel the straps of his trench coat being pulled loose, the coat falling to the floor. They were stumbling, pressed together now until his back was against the wall. Daniel removed the other man's shirt before resuming the exploration of Rorschach's mouth with more urgency. Eyes closed, Rorschach told himself the constriction he felt in his chest was from being in such a filthy situation, nothing more. His hands went to Daniels hips as his belt was undone. _Only way._ His own hands began to unbutton Daniel's pants._ After this, Daniel can't be pure. Cant' see him in that way. Can go back to normal. _His back arched as a hand traced from his stomach to below his hips, to hold him in an almost reverent manner. _Won't be good anymore. _Two hands held Rorschach in place, trapped against the wall, as Daniel knelt, taking him in his mouth. The air around him seemed to burn as he choked on half formed cries. _Whore. Whore_. Hands clenched, he tried desperately to fight against the urge to buck forward.

Daniel rose again, his eyes searching Rorschach's, catching his gaze as one arm reached along the wall, searching until he found the light switch. The ship was brought into total darkness. Rorschach couldn't even see the face before him, as he felt Daniel's breath beat upon his cheek.

"Trust me"

A hand traced upwards, following the line of his neck, cupping his jaw, reaching higher. It was so slow, as the hand reached under the mask, pulling the cloth off in a gentle motion. Rorschach struggled halfheartedly, but ceased as Daniel placed a kiss on each eyelid, his hands now holding Rorschach's hips in place again.

"Trust… me"

It was awkward, and Rorschach stiffened, unwilling to admit the discomfort, the pain. He rested his chin on Daniel's shoulder as they adjusted. The movements were slow and Rorschach felt his body betray him as instinct took over and he raised his hips to meet Daniels. Everything became frantic, animalistic; his skin was burning, tremors running along the inside of his thighs. His eyes were closed painfully tight, unable to breathe, hands holding onto Daniel's side, bruising the skin before slipping with sweat and searching again for somewhere to hold. As his head was thrown back, eyes opened wide to be lost in the darkness, Daniel brought his mouth forward, kissing the hollow of his collarbone, bringing them both over the edge.

* * *

There was silence again. Both men lay naked on the floor. Rorscach was curled, almost fetal, his hands folded in front of his face. Daniel traced aimless patterns down the scarred back, zigzagging over the jutting spine to form a map of adoration. Rorschach continued to remain silent and unmoving, and Daniel ceased the gentle actions with a sigh. Slowly standing, his voiced was so heavy in understanding it seemed to burn into Rorschach's skin and echo through the marrow of his bones  
"its okay, I'll leave"

He could hear the padding of feet on the stairs, a naked ankle passing by his eyes. As Daniel closed the basement door the lights returned. Rorschach remained mute, uncurling his hand. He gazed at the feather, soft between his fingers, until the image blurred into a nebulous of black and white.


End file.
